When anyone associated with mainstream society encounters someone involved in the D/s BDSM sub-culture, they immediately form a not so flattering opinion. With this opinion also comes preconceived notions concerning the individuals mental capacity. They often ask whether we are normal and whether a mental evaluation concerning our sanity has ever been performed. To answer the first question, yes we are quite normal. Simply because we believe in more than the minimum number of ways society deems fit to express sexual desires as well as love and relationships, in no way makes us abnormal by any stretch of the imagination. As for the second part of the question with our convictions in what it is we do, why would we need to question our sanity. There simply is no reason for us to do it due to our actions and activities being consensual among all involved.
These Ideas they have concerning those involved with this lifestyle are based on bad information and in a lot of cases out right lies. So what I would like to do with this article is to dispel the magnitude of bad information concerning the sub-culture at large. Now I am in no way delusional in thinking that my words will change the puritan mindset of those who would use words such as degrading, abusive, perversion, and other derogatory words that for the most part are simply not true. Instead I hope to create an internal dialogue in order to create a live and let live relationship. In order to accomplish this I will explain to you the reader what D/s BDSM really is and most importantly what it means to those that practice it.
As to the claims of abuse, lets just say that the mainstream mindset uses a very narrow definition of the word and unfairly lumps us in with those who would truly be abusive. An abusive person controls every aspect of their mates life and I do mean every aspect. They force their victims to perform any number of things against their will and have zero issues with inflicting permanent damage even leading to death. In the D/s BDSM community a slave or submissive can end a scene or a relationship when ever they feel the need to do so. They dictate the pace and the amount of pain as well as the limitations they are willing to submit to. A very good and caring Master, Mistress or Dom will respect these limitations as well as the desire of the slave to set them. A truly abusive person harbors no such respect and only worries about how to get their way and press their will upon another. A truly abusive person recognizes no boundaries in regards to anyone, whether they are part of the lifestyle or not. In short Masters, Mistresses and Doms respect an individuals wishes and abusers don't.
Degrading! Once again this is in the hands of the slave or submissive to decide. Prior to any casual participation between a Master and a slave there is what is commonly known as a negotiation between the two. It is during this exchange that limitations as well as a safe word to be used are agreed upon. It also provides both parties an opportunity to get to know one another. This is often where the phrase of “Masters, Mistresses know thy slave and slave know thy Masters , Mistresses” comes into play. Once again the negotiation is where both individuals mutually agree upon all activities that are to take place.
Perversion! The idea of perversion is one that has its applications in our world. If an individual rapes and has sex with children I will gladly be the first in line to label them perverted. However when applied towards the D/s BDSM lifestyle and those who participate in it, one must remember that it is an accusation that once again is of a puritan mindset. Simply because two adults make a consenting agreement in how to express their sexual desires as well as their right to individuality does in no way constitute the use of the word. Out of respect for others we do not condemn those that prefer their bedroom activities to be of a more socially accepted nature. We in turn do not wish to have what we deem as acceptable sexual behavior condemned, chastised or labeled as perverted.
These perceptions as well as countless others are as I said mostly unwarranted. And I will admit that within the lifestyle there are those that break those boundaries that are agreed upon or if you prefer “bad apples”. However those types of people are found in all walks of life and not just in ours. The D/s BDSM world is definitely not for everyone. But for those who do live and participate in it. It is a way for them to find a true meaning in their lives. It is a way for them to be who they desire to be. That in and of itself should not be viewed as abusive, degrading, and perverted. For those two simple wishes are ones that are shared by all members of a society.
Pleasure through pain, liberation through servitude are the foundations in which our community is built upon. It doesn't make us bad people, it merely means we view our lives and what we do with them differently than most. We are open minded and highly responsible members of the world's civilizations. It is however a sub-culture in which all participants wishes and desires are respected and honored. This has never been more exhibited than through the words “Safe, Sane, and Consensual”. Although the meaning of those words are debated among the community, they are none the less adhered to. For only then can pleasure through pain and liberation through servitude truly be attained by all those who are involved.
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