Demons, Dragons, and trapped inside

           Cute title, right? Maybe so, but it's not so cute of a subject. There is a vast number of people in the world who either through mental or physical trauma have denied themselves true happiness. They starve themselves of love and unintentionally and definitely without malice create emotional havoc in the lives of those that care and love them. This trauma, this demon they keep locked up inside typically doesn't want happiness or true love to take root. For that would only serve to interfere with the misery that is trying to be fostered.
          When this fostered misery matures, it is transformed into a vicious dragon. One that serves only a single purpose, that being to consume from the inside out the very soul, the very drive, the very essence of the individual. This dragon has many names but for those who suffer through this it is known as self loathing and hate. This dragon's natural habitat is comprised of fear. Fear of the unknown, of the uncertainty, and the hope of a brighter and more peaceful future. It nestles in these fears and wraps itself in its coldness. In hopes that it can live and die with the person it has consumed.
          However, what they must come to realize is that this beast can be destroyed. Its death can surely be accomplished with weapons that have been readily available through out the whole ordeal. This arsenal consists of love, friendship, faith, happiness, and a higher appreciation of self worth. All the very things It strives to destroy are the very things that can lead to its demise.
          This victory starts with love. Those who have fought and struggled through these internal battles must learn to love themselves as well as others, while allowing the love they offer to flood their very being. Upon this foundation you must build or rebuild friendships. These friendships must be based on common need and respect for each other and develop a want to feel included in each others happiness and triumphs. You must have faith in your self as well as those who are friends and loved ones for they will always be there along side of you to face and do battle against this demon, this dragon. Through all of this the happiness which has eluded you to this point can begin to grow and once it matures it will blossom into a higher appreciation of self worth.
          These things, these emotions are the only thing that will destroy the beast that dwells within you. But the catch is only you have the key to unlock them. Only can have the will to move on. What I can say and I say this on behalf of those that have and always will love and care for you is simple and direct. Please let us be there for you, please allow us to fight by your side please allow us to soothe your fears and your anxieties and finally, please let us help you release this dragon so that it can be slayed. There is no trauma in life that cannot be over come with these weapons. Allow us to help you wield them and reclaim your lives back.

"Demons, Dragons, and trapped inside” Not so cute now, right?

Hypocrisy

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

(from hamlet, William Shakespeare)

          This should be the battle cry of all those, who proudly proclaim that they are in fact a real vampire or even what is considered in our world to be otherkin for that matter. We dwell in a world that is chock full of hypocrisy when it comes to matters of spirituality and beliefs. The debate lies in what is acceptable in the eyes of a society born of religious persecution. It is within that fact where the hypocrisy lies.

          When I first came out of the coffin as it were, I immediately faced an overwhelming battery of questions concerning my mental state. I was shunned by most of my peers and frowned upon by most of my own family. However the most critical of all came from the religious community as a whole. Catholics, protestants, muselum, and Jew, all called me everything from delusional to demonic. For catholics as well as protestants the convenient memory lapse of northern Ireland and the reasons for the pilgrims traveling to the “new” world is hypocrisy. The failure of muselums to remember the fears experienced by their ancestors who were not warriors, but were none the less subjected to the brutality of the crusades (there wasn't just one) is hypocrisy. For those in the world of Judaism the unacceptable memory lapse of the holocaust was hypocrisy.

          They tempered their words of intolerance though with a desire to help. Each claimed that if I would only open myself up to their interpretations of their god, that I would eventually come to what they viewed as sane and proper . In other words they simply wanted me to stop being who and what I am and start being who and what they thought I should be. The hypocrisy in all of this is that at some point and time in their histories someone else demanded the same of them.

          At least part of their condemnation though results from their non belief and misinformation concerning those who proclaim vampirism as a belief or way of life. They argue that there is no proof of prana, chi, or any of the other names used to refer to it around the globe. And yet they want me to accept perceived miracles as well as actions as concrete proof of a non visible god.

          Now, don't think the hostile tone of this has escaped me, for it hasn't and was done so on purpose. See I pride myself on being a tough love kind of individual. And as a real vampire as well as a practicing D/s master at that, and societies perception of those things. It has made me understand the meaning of the word hypocrisy. For those reasons alone I strive each and everyday to be tolerant of others beliefs and allow them to express said beliefs in order to avoid the appearance of hypocrisy. Wouldn't be nice if everyone made that same effort. So I highly recommend that those who would deny me my beliefs, take to heart those words written by Mr. Shakespeare so many centuries ago.

A basic summery of the paranormal

In the world of real vampires very little outside of what society at large dictates as believable seldom if ever surprises us. This includes things that are considered paranormal or supernatural. Now I know some reading this are saying, but wait, there is no distinction between the two. My reply would be simply of course there is and here is why. The world of paranormal encompasses a variety of professions. There's parapsychologist, cryptozoologist, as well as the new kid on the block those studying UFOs and USOs (unidentified submersible object). Supernatural tends to fall under the category of gods, demons, and angels. Paranormal activity uses scientific theory and equipment in order to capture evidence of the existence of whatever is being investigated or studied. With the supernatural evidence is not so readily available science and those with bigger brains than I have yet to figure out a way to capture anything remotely close to evidence for the existence of demons and angels. Maybe I should clarify that, with the supernatural more so than not the only thing ever really seen or captured on film of any kind is the result of the action and not the action itself, where as with paranormal investigations the act itself is often captured or eye witness accounts of the action itself exist.

           One of the more scoffed at aspects of the field of paranormal research is that of ghost or spirit investigation. This is largely due to various facets of it and the way science perceives the investigation as well as their own ability to open their minds to possibilities outside of a electron microscope. The perception of the actual investigation is one I'm afraid is an up hill battle, as long as television shows such as “Most Haunted” and “Ghost Adventures” are produced. With Most Haunted everything is wrong in their approach, first off an investigator can't investigate when they are cowering in a corner squealing like little kids at the least slightest sound. With Ghost Adventures they at least use stationary cameras, EMF meters, and digital audio recording devices. Their biggest flaw is they treat every sound, every noise, and every bump in the night as if it were ghostly activity. The one show that I would say captures what an investigation is supposed to be like is Ghost Hunters. These guys really try to do it right by that I mean they go in with a semi skeptics mentality between their crew and them they've witnessed and investigated too many haunting to not believe that there is something to it. What sets them apart from everyone else is they also acknowledge that sometimes a bump in the night is just that a bump in the night and are not bashful in telling a client that they have alternative explanations that could or could not explain away said bump.

           Cryptozoology, Is an interesting field that is best known for its investigations into Bigfoot or the reported sightings of lake monsters that come in from around the world most notably, Loch Ness. For these people they approach it from a true scientific standpoint in that they employ sciences from botany to forensics to veterinary medicine. Mainstream science however is split on the validity of the work done. One side says it can't be or we would have come across something by now this maybe true to an extent when dealing with a narrow scope of a single location. But until science starts putting more bodies out in the field searching for the alive or dead subject, then answer to that will remain elusive. For those within the scientific community that are willing to go on record as saying that there is a possibility present a more logical argument and it is one that mainstream science has no readily available answer to. That question being what of the discoveries of recent past of animals that either have been theorized to exist and even the rediscovery of some that were long thought extinct. Something to boost their argument is the very real statistic that man has only been able to explore less than ten percent of the worlds oceans so who truly knows what lies there. So the truth being is we really don't know what inhabits our planet, at least not in the areas that have never seen a human shadow.

           UFOs, the argument involved in this phenomena boils down to those who are arrogant and those who are not. Those who are, seem to want to believe that a god created everything or that man is the only intelligent mammal not only on the planet but within the cosmos as well. Those that are not, point out that man has not investigated a tenth of our own solar system let alone any number of other solar systems or galaxies. That even though we have radio transmitters pointed towards the heavens they except that the mathematical codes being transmitted may not even be understood by an alien life form and if thats the case then the radio receivers are useless as well because we wouldn't know what their form of communication is.

          My personal opinion on the paranormal and the argument that ensue is that it happens anytime man becomes arrogant enough to believe that all lifeforms think as they do. There are any number of people who believe in the paranormal just as there are any number of those who do not. But one thing is clear and that is there will always be a debate and like all good debates one side will eventually lose. Then again who am I to say this I am a real vampire and everyday I fight the very untrue and Hollywood portrayals of what real vampires are and are supposed to be.

Master and slave: Joyous times

          In a previous post I made reference to being committed to my slave through the good and bad. It is in great pride in my efforts and in her abilities to present and example of the joyous times. These shared experiences are a part of the D/s BDSM community, yet they are often ignored or brushed aside for the benefit of a good story in the news. My slave learned to believe in herself! I mean I’m sure she thought she had faith before, but having faith and having belief are two separate things.

          With faith you have confidence that something good will happen. When you have belief, you’re expressing that you know for a fact that something will happen. It was this mentality that she had to except. You see she is a very talented writer and you can see for yourself here at This Tainted Soul of Mine. It is through this natural born gift that her belief in that she will succeed is created. Once she accepted this into her heart, she was rewarded with one of her articles being published in an online e-zine you can find that one here SOCYBERTY.

          With this, she has a stepping stone in order to achieve far greater things with her writings. All she had to do is switch from faith to belief in her abilities and how far she can go with them. I achieved this not through punishment as some might expect. I did it by forbidding her to quit. By pointing out that by her focusing on being a perfect slave, that she can then apply that same focus to all aspects of her being. This did not happen overnight. I knew from the word go that it would take time do to the fact that it is not physical behavior I would be changing but a persons psyche or their view of themselves. An undertaking such as this is not one to be taken lightly.

          By forcing her through critism when needed and a good girl when warranted she became aware of the belief that I as her master had in her. It was through this that she felt the very natural desire to please me and in order to achieve that she had to come to the understanding that to do nothing was not acceptable in her masters eyes. It was through this that she followed her natural desires and bowed to my will as her master to guide her in what I expected of her. What expected of her was effort. What I expected of her was determination. That what I wanted for her the most was success! I commanded these things of her and as the wonderful and attentive slave did her best at following those commands. By doing this she gained strength through my convictions in her gift. Through that strength she discovered a deep seeded belief that she was good enough. It was through that strength that she closed off the fear of rejection, of disappointment. That through effort comes reward. And it is because of that strength that she is who she is today a talented and gifted writer. So as I said She has made me proud to be her master and it is that very pride that I can say with all the love I have, “Good Girl”!

Pleasure and Pain

I dream of her and her sultry way

Of gentle pain, we crave, we play

The sight of flesh reddened and warm

Tingles with pleasure, like the prick of a thorn

For Vampires it’s magick, dancing in the night

For others it’s tragic, a misunderstood sight

The energy we seek, is just beneath the surface

For every swing of the flog, serves a purpose

To submit, to serve, head bowed, she comes

Intoxicating beauty, is mine to own

To shape and to mold is my will to be

As well as to love and protect for eternity

My love is endless my conviction too

To help her to shine, through and through

To own and to cherish, is my master’s right

Giving comfort, and solace, both day and night

Two Vampires in love, as it should be

Baring themselves for the world to see

The thought of submission, to some seems absurd

The lines of passion surely are blurred

To give to each other, is our destined call

To experience life, to give it our all

Exposing our souls without vane

Expressing our love through pleasure and pain

Normalcy, what is it?

     Normalcy What is it really? Does the concept of normal go hand in hand with what society sets forth as guidelines, is stepping outside those guidelines grounds to be branded abnormal? Or are they one in the same, forever evolving as does society at large? Should it turn out that society dictates the perception of normal, then is it fair to brand it both hypocritical and in some ways abnormal itself. I offer up several examples of the appearance of this.

     Take the case of Jeffery Dahmer, arguably one of the more infamous figures in serial killer history. His actions set him aside was the purpose for the murders, cannibalism! To society at large these actions were and still are considered extremely abnormal bordering on psychosis and insanity. Yet prior to his criminal trial he had to undergo what is known as a competency hearing. It is in this hearing that the matters of sanity are discussed. Society via mass media branded him as insane thus proclaiming his abnormality. This same society however through the voices of those involved with the hearing Mr. Dahmer's actions were deemed as those committed by a rational (must know right from wrong) and sane (by the definitions of society) man. So I ask this given this very real scenario, who should be considered abnormal? Dahmer? Who single handedly killed and consumed nearly 18 human beings. Or the man and or woman or combination(s) of both, said he was normal for doing it?

     It's not just the macabre that this ever wondering definition of normal dwells. It has been present through out history. It can be found in every traumatic and dramatic event of our lives and societies history. It can be found in the slave trade of the 17^th through to the early19^th centuries. It is prevalent in the street gangs of today as it was of the 30's. Society views their actions as abnormal behavior but to them it is a part of everyday life thus making it perfectly normal. Yet they are still part of society as a whole.

     It wasn't so long ago that the erratic definition of normal even crept its way into love. Our sexuality and preferences have become topic for judgments as well. Is it or isn't it normal to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual is based on the individual perspective of what society views as norm and that view is ever changing. Sexual fetishes depending upon whom you ask is considered normal, and just as abnormal to others. I would theorize that through the debate that takes place involving our individual sexuality, we are watching the evolution of normalcy

     So with the apparent ever changing definition of normal, I constantly ask myself this. Normalcy? What is it? Is it the unspoken acceptance of a majority of opinions? Is it the open expression of laws that act as rules and guidelines in which to label and judge the mentality of others? Is it the moral values of a group that is only representative of society or a portion of it? There's a lot of stigma as well as acceptance that is associated with the word normal. With this in mind it is only fair that we as individuals dictate to ourselves what the definition should be and accept that that definition is not an end to anything, but a beginning. A beginning for someone(s) struggle to simply be accepted for who and what they are.

     The irony of it all though is this. Even when acknowledging the evolution and shear confusion of what normal is one must also admit that it does serve a purpose in defining the behavior of individuals who cross all boundaries set by even the most rudimentary of civilizations. Such as in the case of the above mentioned Mr. Dahmer where the definition was manipulated in order to insure punishment. But it still doesn't change the fact that normal has and always will be an enigma unto itself. Which is why the questions of normalcy and what is it.

What being a master means to me

Being a Master in a D/s BDSM relationship comes with it's share of responsibilities and expectations. When you claim another and place your collar on them you are signifying your commitment towards guiding another soul through life. This commitment does not begin and end with what societies idea of the lifestyle is or represents. In fact being a master means different things to different Doms. For me it means the following.

It means I've committed myself to being a protector and not just of what some perceive as property. For me it means protecting someone from not only the day to day agitations but from themselves as well. To protect another means to teach to guide and yes if necessary to punish. But it also involves trust. My slave by choosing me as her master is showing not only devotion and love, but complete and total trust. This trust is placed in my hands in the form of her entire being. She trusts that I will be there during any strife that comes her way and to share in every joy as well.

It means I have vowed to guide her in the ways that I expect her to be through allowing her to be totally true to her nature. Her expectations of me consist of insuring that wrong choices are not made and conflicting emotions that would stagnate the thought process are separated and labeled for what they are, distractions. It is that muddled mind that I'm am committed to clear.

It means that I will treat her as I would a rose in that I will administer the proper care and encourage her to blossom into the beautiful garden that is desired. It means I have accepted the responsibility in making sure that she is healthy and happy by giving her the dominance she desires. It means I will weed out all the bad habits that in the past have led to negative and irretrievable consequences. From the moment a decision to enter this is made I committed to shaping her into the woman she desires to be.

It means control. Control of not only her but of the shared destiny we both crave. To take control of another's being brings strength to me in the form of an example. It causes me to reevaluate my own life and my own choices and to transfer those to her so that she may benefit from them. It means I must now lead by example. And never falter in any endeavor that is undertaken. To gain control like this brings power to me. The kind of power needed to be strong in my convictions and grants me the freedom to truly be who I am through all of this it is she who has given me that gift.

Finally, it means devotion and love not just any Ole love, but the kind of love that is born in knowing I am depended upon to provide a safe haven for which solace can be found. It means my love is so strong that through the good and the bad I will still be there to to sooth the fears and encourage the successes. It means I'm honest in my criticism not to degrade but to nurture. It means my love will never worry again.

For much of society the only glimpse that is seen is that in which the mass media gives to society to view, which is often negative and totally inaccurate. Through my commitment to my slave I am vowing to provide all that she requires. Here's the the part that society often overlooks or just plain old don't get it. I do these things in order to allow happiness to come into the life of someone who desperately wishes to only be themselves. It allows them to become the person they want to be and not the person that society demands them to be. In other words I offer freedom from the bonds of societal expectations and in its place I give the strength to be true to herself.

In this world in which we live in we are expected to conform to molds of what society deems as right. But through the bond and relationship that develops through this commitment I am able to give her something that the world at large cannot. What I give are the gifts of choice, freedom, and self awareness that is needed in order for her to be who she truly is. When I became a master I accepted a magnitude of responsibilities. These responsibilities give me purpose, they give me peace, They grant me my own escape from the chains society uses to make us conform. But what being a master ultimately gives me is the one thing that none can give me and that is the right to claim my own life back.

 

D/s BDSM and the real vampire

    In the world of D/s BDSM a lot of things are taken for granted and those things are way too often misunderstood. However you toss in a couple of Tantric Vampires and a whole realm of possibilities present themselves. Real vampires tend to conduct themselves in a rather dark manner anyway so to put a paddle, riding crop, or a cat o nine tails in their hands can be like giving a child a new toy to play with. With vampires it's not so much about the sex as it is to control (though the sex tends to teeter on the out of this world). Nope, for most vamps it's all about the control.
     Although most normal folks involved with the lifestyle/scene discipline via the Masters digression is used to reinforce positive behavior. This can include a cavalcade of acts which for some are unsavory to say the least. Pain is a theme and an excepted one at that. With vamps though the control of all the environment presents is the goal. We want to control emotions, thoughts, and the pain. It boils down to we get our kicks searching for the threshold of pain not for any sexual gratification, but for the feeling of alive it brings with it.

     When two vampires engage in play what is often described as vampiric magick occurs. This manifests itself in many shapes and forms. One of the chief ways is in the energy exchange that happens between the two. The electricity that surges through the vampiric soul is delightful to say the least. As vampires we are constantly seeking out that feeling that every cell in the body is alive and dancing that accompanies pain.

     With every swing of the paddle the vampire feels control, with the crack of solid against flesh the vampire hears the crackle of electrical bliss. With every squirm the vampire sees a dance of passion. With every drop of blood the vampire sees all that encompasses life. Vampires use this not to stimulate ones imaginations or sexual drives or even the desire to live outside of the social norms. We do it to bring to the surface that one thing we need, that we crave, and that is the energy, Prana, Chi or any number of words used to describe the life force we all have inside. D/s BDSM to many is indeed unsavory in their views, but for a vampire it simply means life and all the feelings that go with it for it is that very real energy used to create those feelings that sustain us and give us control over, well, us.

What twin flames mean to me

     Bonded! The word itself has various meanings depending on the context in which it is used. What I am gonna talk about is the bond that develop es when “true” vampire twin flames re-unite. In order to give twin flames justice one must first look at that in which it evolves from. Twin flames in my opinion evolve from centuries of past lives spent together in one form or another. Twin flames in every life almost always begin with soul mates, but is not limited strictly to them. With soul mates there's that since of being meant for the other of sharing interests, feeling a familiarity between two souls.

          When these souls though happen to have the same make up the same desires the same wants and needs then twin flames are born and the more lives that are shared the strong the flame. Twin flames have several traits that affect both persons. As well as those traits attributed to soul mates, twin flames delve even deeper into the very essence of the being.

          Twin flames often find themselves able to almost read each others minds. They share the same thoughts, concepts and often appear to communicate without words. Twin flames are bonded in the flesh as well for if one gets sick the other often feels remotely ill as well. When those twin flames are of the modern vampire variety there is an internal bonding that results in a mutual sharing of energy. Both vampires also feel a physical closeness towards one another even over a good bit of distance even that which involves hundreds of miles.

          The bond between twin flames is everything. It is the life line between two identical yet different souls that majestically meld together. When this union of souls happens true magick evolves that strengthens the already present bond.

          You see it's really hard at times for me to describe what having a twin flame is like for I don't think it can be summed up in only a few words. With myself my twin flame and I dwell on a level that defies explanation. We finish each others thoughts we share our triumphs as well as our tragedies. When she is not near there is an emptiness a wrongness in the air and within my soul when we're together feelings of right and completeness prevail. With her I can grasp a future and a past, and it revolves around her she is my world. You see it's all together expected for a twin flame to mean it when they say they would walk through hell for the other.

          Twin flames are on a level unto themselves they transcend the physical and make the metaphysical a reality. Their souls are forever entwined through out the lifetimes just as they were destined to be. They are two souls that fit perfect to become one. Their past and their present along with their futures will remain connected even if one does not find the other within a certain life there will be a feeling of not being complete.

          Well that's just a smidgen of what a twin flame means to me, as I said the words themselves escape me to describe it. What I do know is I am blessed by the gods to have found mine again in this lifetime. For now this life is complete, which is how it should be.

Fictional vs. Classical Vampires

     Sounds like a “B” movie title doesn't it? It lends itself to the perception that there are vast differences between the two. The reality though is that much like a lot of realities that are revealed on a daily basis involving a wide variety of topics often do not match the perception. For generations since the release of the 1922 silent film “Nosferatu” which was supposed to be based on an adaptation of Bram stokers “Dracula”, classical vampires have been defined by their alleged and often times brutal ways in which they obtained the blood for which they needed to exist. As I said though the perception often does not match the reality. When looking at the purported vampires of the past attention must be paid to the fact that every culture has had their version of vampires. This reveals that there are often huge discrepancies between the perceived classic and those in which they are based off of are at times huge. For the sake of this, I'll use two of the more notable figures of vampire lore, Vlad Tepes and Elizabeth Bathory.

     Vlad Tepes is portrayed as a vicious and blood thirsty ruler who inflicted pain and death on those who crossed his path. He is portrayed as one who renounced god and Christian beliefs, thus leading to rising upon his death as a vampire as punishment. The reality though is there are no accounts of Vlad ever having inflicted any of the atrocities that are accredited to him on the people he ruled over. What is noted however is that when he did die, he died a devout Christian.

     The lady Bathory however is a different matter entirely. There are recorded accounts of the atrocities she stood accused of. Her actions reflect more of what is associated with the classical vampire. Upon her trial it was reveal that the number of victims she herself admitted to but showed no remorse for is around 600. It is also noted that she reveled in torture, and kept practitioners of darker arts by her side and was even taught about these arts. There are those who believe she was the real inspiration for Brom Stoker's vampire. The times however did not view women, even those of nobility not equal to men therefore her atrocities were attributed to a more believable figure in a ruler who in truth is really only guilty of impaling those who he perceived as traitors and invading armies.

     The “Fictional” vampire however is a Hollywood / romance novel driven entity. It gives us vampires that we have come to a first name basis with. Names such as Lestat, Nick, Angel, Spike, Mick, and even “bleh” Edward. Although these fictional vamps still are portrayed as blood drinkers. Their methods of getting it is portrayed as noble, romantic, and less messy. Fictional vampires are often defined in a black and white, good or bad personality. Since Lestat first graced the imagination and pages of Anne Rice, vampires have been given personality. These personalities more times than not are reflections of the society in which we live. They are polar opposite of what is believed about classical vampires. They truly are figments or adaptations of the imaginations of their creators.

     The differences between the “fictional” vampire and that of the “classical” vampire are apparent. One is seen as a devil incarnate, the other the mysterious stranger in the shadows who saves the night.

The stereotyping of the modern day vampire

  Stereotypes! They seem to be in abundance in everyday life. What I'm referring to deals more with the stereotyping of what the modern day vampire is perceived to be. Stereotypes have been in play for a very long time and has given birth to such phrases as “all Indians are drunks!” Which can be traced back to the introduction of distilled spirits to the Native American people in the late 18th and 19th centuries on up to today's “a Muslims are terrorists!” The overwhelming problem with stereotypes is they are seldom if ever true. And they are often the polar opposite of what is actually fact as opposed to fiction.
                    What is interesting though is how society is so very comfortable with the placement of stereotypes on one another that they become blind to the truth that stands right in front of them. The concept of the modern day vampire has been clumped in with other groups of individuals with dark traits and characteristics. These groups consist of “Goths, Rockers (head-bangers), and even the most recent one to come along, Emos”. The issue is though that in reality only a small percentage of vampires fall into these groups. The vast majority of us are spread out across every demographic available. So what I would like to do is dispel some of the more notable stereotypes associated with modern vampirism, especially in the United States.
                    For instance if you stop the average Joe or Jane on the street the impression that is given is one of disillusionment and rebellion that has been present in the adolescence of every generation since the industrial revolution and earlier. The stereotype in this is that the belief of vampirism is based on the average teenagers natural instinct towards rebellious behavior of some degree. First vampirism in its many forms knows no age limit. Awakenings happen across all generational divides. True though that most occur during mid to late adolescents. There is still a good number who don't fully awaken till way into their 40's, 50's and even 60's anything beyond that would be rare yes, but not totally impossible to concieve if one were honest in their perceptions of us.
                    They will tell you of how our complexion is pale in comparison to that of everyone else's. Once again the association with the goth and Emo scenes is apparent. The truth is most modern vampires hold daytime jobs which exposes them to all the trappings of the sun. This includes both sunburns and tans. Granted one of the more common traits or characteristics shared by most is some form of sensitivity from the sun or any source of bright light (fluorescents). These would include migraine headaches to skin irritations with the migraines tipping the scale on that one, and a good pair of dark cheep sunglasses takes care of that to a degree. If you are like me you need a hat with some form of a brim as well to insure even less sunlight hits my eyes.
                     You would no doubt hear of how the shelves of your local “Hot Topic” store are stocked for the vampire at large! Well that's just plain Bull Shit right there. Truth is you might find the teen to the early thirties crowd shopping there. But I know of very few over thirty-five year olds who do. Most in this age area have found more authentic attires for the occasional formal event on line and I wouldn't be surprised if Wal-mart isn't their chief supplier of daytime wear.
                     You would be told of how our tastes of music are limited to only the sounds of industrial or alternative styles of rock and roll. Once again only a small handful of the overall community is like that. The truth is there is a vast and broad spectrum of music across the board. In fact I'll go on record as saying most modern vampires would classify their musical taste as eclectic or way off the beaten path. Take me for example my tastes range from Charlotte Church to Willie nelson from Motorhead to Bach and just about everything in between.
                    And finally I must admit that this last one is a personal one. They will just as easily though dismiss all of this by saying “but we will grow out of it as we get older”. When I said awakenings happen across the board age wise. Well that should have been a clue. The already are those of us in our 40's, 50's, and 60's who've been awakened for years if not decades. So that in and of it's self should be enough to dispel that particular stereotype. Yet it still prevails. I know I alone cannot change how society views us or me, what I can do and I encourage all modern day vampires to do is help to replace these more ridiculous perceptions with the more factual and realistic ones.

The importance of balance in both the day and night lifes

                 Balance in a way is the vampires first line of defense for pretty much everything life throws at you both metaphysical and non. Now I cant teach you how to obtain and retain it because everyone has their own way of doing it. So instead I'll give you examples as to why balance is so important. Another word for balance is center(ed) it is that point in which everything is as balanced as you can get it.
                 Let's say you are dating or are in a committed relationship, and the other one does not know of your nature. If you start focusing more time on the night then the day it is almost certain they will become curious, and start asking questions before you are ready to answer them. The answer to this is simply don't neglect day side responsibilities. If you look you'll find that happy medium (balance) and can tell them of your nature when you and if you choose.
                Shielding! When using shields one must be able to allow the energy they want in and repel those that they don't. This is usually accomplished most of the time via trial and error, but sooner rather than later will be accomplished. So when you create balance in your shields you are in control and can maintain said balance. For psi's balance is required to not drain someone even if they desperately in need of it.
                Balance is needed when in large crowds for the empathic vamps. What of our sanguinary brethren? if some one cuts a finger balance is in play when one can control the inner vampire. As for tantra vampires the whole act of them feeding is based on balance to souls joined as one.
               What can one take from all of this? The answer is nothing and everything. should you be one of those who believe in that balance is not a necessity. I say good luck and I hope it works out for you. However should you be one who's life is constantly full of turmoil and heartache then this may help you in finding at least some solace within your lives. So anytime you hear someone utter the words "finding a happy medium", regardless of the context in which it is said, they are referring to finding balance.

Strange question indeed!

Where does guilt begin and obligations end or do they kinda go hand in hand. I know very strange question to start off with. But a valid one that strikes at our emotional make-up. If you owe bills then you are obligated to pay them or at least make a damn good try. That one is easy, but what if its someone you know. Someone who you have history with and has helped you out on a few necessities needed in life. Are you obligated to them? Of course you are, but for how long. Then the question becomes when does it start and who stops it. If it's the one in debt then where do they draw the line between reasonable and unreasonable. Is there even a line is it an open ended obligation where you put aspects of your own life on hold on a constant basis in order to feel as if you are doing right by that person.
                This brings up the question of does the person owed decide when the debt is paid. Shouldn't they be the ones to say enough? And should this person choose to not allow the debt to be paid in full and continues with the expectancy of repayment. But then the dark aspect of this comes into play. What if (and I mean big what if) they are taking advantage of your guilt and your desire to make restitution. What if because of the history that person knows exactly which buttons to push in order to get the desired result. Do you draw the line there? Or as I stated earlier you bite the bullet and hope they come around and eventually release you of your obligation. It all seems to wind up being a whole butt load of what ifs and whens. What about others associated with the individuals and sees the situation from another view altogether, that view being how it is affecting them. Does that person bite the bullet.
                See having obligations is just a part of life, this I think we all can agree on. But when obligations clash with other obligations and the ensuing emotional turmoil that follows. Who's to blame if anyone is. Is it the person that owes for allowing other obligations to interfere? Is it the person owed who after years of payback still comes across as not satisfied and wants more. Combine this with not recognizing that the turmoil exists and you have what my grandpa would say is a sour pickle (leaves a bad taste). One mustn't forget the innocents as I stated briefly it's not just two people affected by it others that are near and dear are left feeling confused helpless and on occasion isolated.

Yes sir it's a strange question indeed.

Myth- conceptions and myth information of real vampires

  With the ever increasing popularity of social networking via places like Myspace, Face book, ning and even blogs. The shear amount of “fluff” sites proclaiming to be Representative of the “real” vampire community can be staggering. What is even more disturbing is the shear number of Hollywood type hype being passed off as real information governing real vampirism. The sad part is the newly awakened in their haste to seek answers often waste valuable time as members of these “fluff factories” when with just a tad more research they could find any number of sites that have good solid information.                with that being said i can go into some of the myth conceptions that are running amok within the various social networks. First there is the one that states that only the old ones or ancients are capable of knowing all and seeing all and they determine who will and wont be a vampire. Fact: we are vampires based on one common connection and that being we either cannot maintain a healthy level of Chi, Prana, or better known as life force. the difference and it is a minor difference at that is that more than 50% believe our souls are reincarnated through out the history of recorded time. In that revelation i will use my self as an example i am the tainted Soul of a child born unto the daughter of the god Poseidon. Does this not make me an ancient or old one? Now if you read my words then you will see that what I'm saying is that you are either born a vampire or you are not. The "old ones or ancients" have no control over who will or wont become vampire.
                 The second one i would like to cover is I admit a pet peeve of mine. It involves the "Hollywood" driven myth that in order to become a vampire one must be bitten or turned by another vampire. Once again I point to the above fact in saying because you are born with an issue involving your Prana, you are either born a vampire or you are not. This one is a pet peeve because it strikes at those who are newly awakened and leads them to believe they are something and more than what they in reality are. I am not saying that we are not special because my pride in myself as well as that of the real vampire community will not lend itself to saying that we are not but my friends, we're not that damn special.
                Finally, I have recently learned of one myth rapidly making its rounds through out the social networks and is again "Hollywood" driven. I'll state it in a FYI manner. If you are a real vampire did you know that you can't cross running water? OK i understand you need a minute to catch your breath from laughing. I wish it stopped there but it doesn't, according to this particular site if you want to keep a vampire out of your home then you must lay a "nude" virgin woman on your door step. In fairness though I may be wrong as to whether they must be a virgin but that is but a minor detraction from what was said.
                My friends it is exactly this sort of myth-information that is detrimental to the cause that a good number real vampires are pursuing and that is being excepted for who and what we are. We have several esteemed members or pioneers of this cause who have repeatedly gone on shows that air around the world on networks such as A&E, Discovery Channel and the Learning channel. This kind of fear mongering does not help their as well as our situations. These statements that are presented as fact on various sites is done so out of ignorance and disregard of those who take who and what they are very seriously.
                Folks there is absolutely no shortage of sites out there perpetrating these and many more myths about the modern or real vampires out there. But there are equally many sites out there offering good solid information and research and diligence will lead you to them. A good rule of thumb is if there are more than half the members treating “Twilight” as if it were a documentary, then you are more than likely on a fluff factory site. Not trying to start a generational war but a majority of sites that allow those between the ages pf 13 to 18 to mingle with adults tend to almost always turn out to be bogus and shams designed to be nothing more than Twilight and Underworld fan clubs. But all of this is just my take on the vampire community or its refusal to label these various sites as chock full of bad information. After all the very ones who are affected by these myths are the newly awakened who need our guidance.

The call from deep within

I feel the call deep within
A primal urge I can't resist
I can feel my beast pacing instride
Pushing vampire and empath both aside


With a roar and a lunge, my beast breaks out
And gazes with hunger at those all about
A beautiful leopard that dwells in me
Is prancing about for all to see


This cat is no stranger i know him well you see
he's part of the mix of darkness in me
He's a proud creature loyal and true
cross him just once and it'll suck to be you

Being a new Master

         As one who is a new Master in a BD of the BDSM lifestyle. I will admit that I'm learning on the fly. I however do not allow this to be an excuse for bad behavior on my part. Now by “bad behavior on my part” I am actually saying following through on the role of a true master or of what a true master should be. When forming a Dominant and Submissive relationship it is important to understand that both sides have certain expectations and responsibilities. As a master my view and expectations of the one who wears my collar, my submissive, my slave. Are basic yet important foundations of the relationship. For me I demand loyalty, respect, obedience, trust, manners, and total devotion and servitude. In my Eyes her responsibilities are to do my bidding and give into my will, and by doing so relinquishes herself to me.         
        As for me the master I can only speak for what my sub has asked of me. It is my responsibility to protect what is mine to own. I start by claiming her by proclaiming that I own her and that she is mine. I also take on the responsibility to teach either through reward or punishment the proper behavior I expect of my slave. I take on the responsibility of providing comfort and solace in the thought that by servitude their purpose is defined.
         
       A good master is one who is strong, firm, yet fair. I demand respect servitude and a mentality of instead of “I can't do that” but one of “How can I do that in order to please my master". I am a proud and lucky master though, for my slave has such a mentality and is strong in her convictions and determination to please. So anyway thats a glimpse and I warn only a glimpse of the world in which I dwell. In the future I'll focus on the all the parts that make up my vampiric soul and this piece will fit into most of it.

Over and over again

The of smoke in the morning,
brings the hint that breakfast is near.
The sun peeks over the horizon,
exposes the dew on the flowers so dear.

I see her standing there by the stone,
her beauty for all is so clear.
She smiles a wonderful smile
that stokes the fires within.

As I see her I start to wonder,
the hell i'd suffer without her.
I silently thank the gods,
for the gift of love that we share.

I smile as she approaches,
she leans down and kisses my cheek.
She electrifies all that she touches,
her love keeps me humble and meek.

All through the day I toil,
growing the crops we must sell.
Your faith in me is up-lifting,
when you say “I know you wont fail”.

At night time we sit and we listen,
to the sounds that fill out the dark.
Whisper that you love me,
within those words lies a spark.

And later as we retire,
to our bed so comfy and warm.
That spark flares into desire,
that turns our love into a storm.

When you kiss me so gently,
while we are making love.
I feel your passion emencely

it catches my breath in a velvet glove.

I live a meager existance,
but you I feel like a King.
She races me with her pressence
I bow for she is my Queen.

Some say my life hasn't been lucky,
I would disagree with life and limb.
I'm the luckiest man on the planet,
I get to live this day over and over again.

Wicked Point of View

Where will you gowhen it rains
Where will you run tofrom the pains
You wear your heart upon your sleeve
Your torn apartby your grief

Your search for answersbrought you here
You play with madnessinstead of fear
They laugh and pointat your face
They have no cluethey have no grace

So you cave inand head up to your room
Your heart lies heavyfor it's filled up with doom
You feel your world collapsingall around you
Like trapped inside a vortex hurting through and through

But before you check out
Let me tell you a thing or two
Every one lives with
A wicked point of view

Pesimism- A bane to be avoided

Or what could possibly be one the single most emotions a fledgling has trouble avoiding. I mean after all the world for which you are crossing into has innitial problems, the sudden awareness of who and what you are can be extremely overwhelming at first. I can assure you that no matter our age, House, Coven, Order or even the paths we choose, no vampire has gotten to where they are without having had faced it.Pesimism will be lurking around with every thing you learn and do. From your first feeding to learning to keep your self in ballance (centered) to creating your first construct or psi-ball.
The secret my friends is something that has kept the human speices mundane and vampire alike alive for as long as we have. It is another word that starts with "P". Persitence, simply put, we never give up. And that is the secret. Don't let innitial failure deny you the chance to grow and feel at home among your own kind. The two tried and true sayings that have been around forever apply here.
1. Practice really does lead to perfection.
2. The amount of result is in direct proportion to the amount of effort.
Keep these two things in mind and you'll be able to get past pesimism with persistence. Then you can truly start to enjoy this side of the world, for it can be a truly magnificent journey. See you at the end.

Shielding

Periodically I am asked about shielding technique. These question generally arise from the newly awakened and even some who aren't so new. What I tell them is the number of ways to shield depends on the individual. No two techniques are exactly the same even though they may look it on the outside.
When it comes to actual shielding the mental process will always be different. Some may visualize and out of those the vision maybe different, Still some will perform rituals in order to achieve their desired effect.
What I would like to do now is to give an example of a technique by using one of the ones I use.
I start every morning with a meditation session in which I will plan out my day become clear headed. I will then visualize my center and slowly begin to draw that outward, spreading it out like an umbrella. As I'm doing this I am repeating a prayer dedicated to the gods that be. Once I have gotten the basic shape of what it is I am trying to form I can then break it down into section of my body. Starting with the head I will visually place it inside of the umbrella shaped dome I am creating. Once there I will allow the edges to seep down on and around my shoulders. Now here is the tricky part shaping the the arms visualize yourself sticking your arm into a sleeve and in your minds eye do it. From there you let it ease down to the ground.

Now what that was is what some may say is slightly simplistic. Truth is that it is simplistic. See personal shielding is just that, personal. Some of the more basic styles involve plating, bubble, and box With plating one must envision a suit of armor with each piece being a separate part that overlaps each other. With the bubble, that one is pretty self explanatory of itself. Same concept as the others. With a box one might think the same of it as with the bubble and although the concept of enveloping within a geometric shape, close attention must be used with the joints of it.

Well that's pretty much the scope of my knowledge. I will say that with practice this all will become second nature. Another relaxer is take your time, Rome may not have been built in a day but it didn't burn in Rome either so pace yourself and the information will come to you. Shielding is easy once fundamentals are achieved. My personal take on them is they are basically energy constructs and that each style and technique varies in what they are geared toward. So get all the literature and read as many articles that you can get a hold of because as I said, fundamentals are the key.

Sqeezing the trigger of an awakening

Awakenings in and of themselves are traumatic for both the awakened vampire and if they choose to confide in others, then them as well. Much debate has been had over the course of years past centering on what exactly constitutes an awakening. The consensus is that no one thing defines it as all awakenings are independent unto themselves. That does not mean that similarities do not exist it just means that the order and severity of these characteristics varies from individual to individual.
But what is talked about even less is what triggers these changes, what causes the awakenings to occur. Some theories revolve around trauma either physical, psychological or a combination of both. Still another theory involves a predetermined time and place that is outside the control of the person. My personal thoughts tend to involve the evolution of my vampire soul to it's modern day incarnation. My souls relation to Lamia of Greek mythology ties into my own awakening in this lifetime. As the reincarnated soul of one of her Children who were taken and eventually murdered by Hera's orders my soul was born out of vengeance and hate towards those who committed these acts and those people who worshiped them.
In the early 80's I was a young airman in the United States Navy. During my very first deployment on board the aircraft carrier Forrestal, we made a port visit to one of the Spanish islands of the Mediterranean sea. Myself along with a childhood friend who had joined with me had decided to spend the night exploring the various night spots of the island. Around one in the morning we found ourselves in one of the more popular clubs that catered to young adults from around Europe as well as the remaining Mediterranean area. I was feeling weary and weak from the night of wine women and song and had decided to return to the ship and get some rest. So I bid a goodnight to my friend and made him promise to shower me the following morning of all that I had missed.
I had walked hardly two blocks when an explosion that shook the ground I was standing on rang out in the morning hours. My heart and every ounce of being sank when I noticed the direction in which the blast originated from. I ran as fast as I could back to the club where my best friend laid about 30 feet from the shattered front window of the building he had been ripped to pieces by flying glass as well as whatever else was thrown about as a result of the explosion. As I knelt down and held him while screaming for help. With tears of losing my best friend from childhood rolling down my cheeks I could only stair as my friend took his final breath in my arms. The next few hours were filled with debriefings and questions from all sorts of agencies from Spain as well as the U.S. And this continued for days.
It was during this that I realized I had changed both as a person and in the way I viewed the world. I was pissed I was hurt and Vengeance boiled inside of me. Over the course of a few years the hate went away and my thirst for vengeance subsided. It wouldn't be until the concept of awakenings became prominent that I realized that my own had begun on that tearful day.
Well folks thats my tale of what squeezed the trigger of my awakening. I would truly love to read the accounts of what you feel triggered yours if you don't wish to then that is fine as well.

Being Accepted

Coming out of the coffin is one of if not the toughest emotional battles one can face. This is due largely to the fact that acceptance takes time and even then there are no guarantees that it'll happen. We are faced with this complicated situation daily whether it is with family, friends, or co-workers. A lot of this revolves around the inert yearnings of belonging and acceptance. One of the first hurdles is that of family. Most of us never want to disappoint our parents or siblings, so the thought of ostracizing ourselves from the family unit. A parent first reaction is “drugs” and he or she must be on them. This not a bad thing in fact it is perfectly natural, for our parents truly do want whats best for us. When it comes to parents one must remember its not you they are rejecting, It's the concept of “real”vampire. When dealing with family it's important to remember that you are fighting against generations of denial, so the old saying of “Rome wasn't built in a day” definitely applies here. I warn though if you think your family is a tolerate lot then wait till you tell them. You must also expect to be frowned upon and treated as if you are suffering from a mental illness. So if you do come out then know that the results of it will be 50/50.
Friends well to be honest thats a complete crap shoot, friends are friends because of like interests. When that concept breaks down the friendship itself is usually not far behind. Friends will not only view you as crazy they will do what the parents wont do, and that is taunt. This aspect is particularly hard for those who have left home. For our friends are what keep us grounded and connected. Now this not to say that there aren't any understanding friends who are supportive because there are, it's just they are rare and far between. So be prepared to be scrutinized and analyzed when coming out to friends.
Co-workers are a tough one because there are so many different personalities in one spot. These personalities make coming out iffy because you'll never know who will be tolerable and who will distance. You don't spend a majority of time with co-workers like you do with family and friends. So they'll form their opinions on what little information they have if your a good co-worker the acceptance might be easy if you not it'll turn into one more thing held against you but usually with a little determination acceptance can be achieved.
None of this is easy and this is just a forewarning that the road is rocky at best when coming out so bare in mind that its not you that is being challenged it is the idea of what you are saying.